...that one crazy family...

Dear Macy and Luke,

I'm just writing you to remind you both (but mostly myself) that I love you. You fill so many days with love, cuteness, laughter, and happiness...

TODAY though?!?!?!?!?

Today, my darlings, was NOT one of those days. Days like today are the times I contemplate if I have done ANYTHING right with you fair skinned, little balls of superhuman energy. Never in my 4 years of being a mother have I been more at a total loss of what to do with your HOOLIGAN behavior than I was today at the doctor's office.

I stacked your 2 year and 4 year old checkups back to back to save a trip into Colombia Falls. I let your Dad off the hook from coming with us and helping manage you, as it was city council Monday. To make matters worse, I mindlessly scheduled your appts smack in the bloody middle of nap time. So to sum it up, we headed into this visit, under the worst. conditions. EVER.

Macy you were expecting a shot and, as always, you were genuinely SUPER excited about it. Luke as expected, the second you walked into the doctor's office, you grabbed my leg and started saying " Go oudda here? Go bye bye??? Go bowling? Go to da gas tation?? I no yike dis pace!"

We signed in and from the moment we finished signing in, until the moment to got called back to the doctors, you both had strewn EVERY SINGLE germ infested toy in the place, ALL over the waiting room.

We did a quick clean up and got Macy's weight and height just fine. Macy at the age of 4 you weighed 52 pounds and are 45 inches tall. Luke, I'm sorry to inform you that I have NO idea what you weigh our how tall you are because the only thing I was concerned with was keeping your screaming, wiggling white, butt on that scale and then backed up to the height chart. I'll have to call the doctors office and get your stats one of these days. Although, even if you were a willing participant in the height and weight portion of the visit, I wouldn't have been able to hear what the nurse said. Why, because your sister was giving all the front office ladies a LOUD explanation of her feelings towards Darth Vader, followed by several demonstrations of some wicked loud dinosaur roaring.

Once in the room, Luke, you immediately pooped. And your brilliant mother forgot the wipes. The doctor came in and offered you a high five. You replied with a shrill/shriek of "NO THANK YOU, NO THANK YOU, NO THANK YOU" I guess the silver lining here is that you said thank you.

Macy, your check up was first and you did perfectly. Luke on the other hand, did not do so perfectly during Macy's exam. Luke, you managed to unroll the paper towels beside the sink, spill a bottle of bubbles onto the floor and into my bag, knock over that jar that holds all the tongue depressors, rip about a yard of paper off the exam table, and unload the ENTIRE magazine/book drawer, all while intermittently giving Macy about 4 hit and run punches to the back and arm.

Looking on the bright side, like I said, Macy you did great UNTIL you found out that you did NOT need a shot. Then you started bawling and yelling " BUT I WANTED A SHOT! I'M REALLY BRAVE! I NEED A SHOT BECAUSE I'M SO BRAVE!" Luckily the doctor distracted you with a blood pressure cuff and it was Luke's turn.

Luke, Luke, Luke. Son, there is not enough room on the internet to describe your turn. But just for laughs, let's name a FEW of heathen-esque shenanigans you pulled in 30 minutes.... you knocked that ear looky thing with the light right out of the doctors hand and onto the floor, you sneezed a spray of snot ONTO the doctor, you screamed at the doctor, you swung at the doctor, if knew how to swear you would have sworn at the doctor, you did that " I just turned into rubber and I won't sit up or stand up" thing about 5 times, you kicked the doctor when he tried to feel your stomach and you tried to knock down everything within arms reach constantly. I'm shocked the doctor didn't recommend a special school where they send mini terrorists to rehab from their destructive ways.

Macy, while Luke was having the great meltdown of 2012, you had a few naughty little tricks up your sleeves as well! In those same 30 minutes, you ground play dough into the (what I'm sure was blood and germ infested) carpet, threw a book at me, kept turning off and on the lights, and 3 times, despite my BEGGING and commanding, you got a Dixie cup, filled it with water, gargled SO LOUD and spit/sprayed the water all over the sink and counter. Oh and you also insisted you deserved "at least one shot in this (frantically pointing to your leg) leg!!!"

MORTIFIED, I hauled you people out of that office as quickly as possible, but not before realizing that I was sweating profusely. Like the ugly, make up is running down my face and sweat is pooling in my collarbones, kind of sweating. Stress, nervousness over our doctor thinking his office was turning into Lord of the Flies, and the sheer amount of exertion it takes to keep up with your messes and meltdowns, had me pouring buckets. And I'll be darned if that wasn't just the nasty icing on this disaster of a cake. I wanted to run fast, sweaty and screaming, for the door.

If the doctor wasn't so understanding and fantastic I would switch your medical records immediately to a place where we aren't known as " that sweaty lady with the 2 really loud heathen children. " Luckily our doctor has 5 kids that are all 10 and under, so he kept insisting " It's fine! They are great! You should have seen my kids in here for lunch today!" We did write him a "sorry/thanks for not kicking us out of  your office" note today and you both signed it so you are both under contract to never act like little midgets all jacked up on mountain dew EVER AGAIN.

When we got home I had half the mind to pack of all your toys and give them to well behaved children. I also contemplated putting a ban on sugar, television, yelling and fun in general. My last and most desperate idea, was to write into the Super Nanny, begging her to come to Montana and whip you into shape.

However one Excedrin and a mommy time-out later I came up with a few real life ideas. First, you small people are getting bigger and realizing you are two against one, so I need to step up my game. My goal is to be more consistent in teaching and appropriate discipline and also celebrate your good behavior more than freaking out / focusing on your naughty behavior. The second is I'm going to relax, and give myself a little " kids are kids" wiggle room. Third, as Oprah as my witness, I will never schedule ANYTHING during nap time EVER again. Lastly, and most importantly, I am going to remember that someday when I'm old and gray, and your dad is old and still red headed, I will wish I still had the 4 year old and 2 year old versions of you hug and squeeze and chase around the doctor's office.

...at least that is what old people tell me.

I don't actually BELIEVE them, but I'll pretend to today.

All my love, 
Mom